Wednesday, March 6, 2013

A Little Sad Sometimes

In all the world I never would have guessed how much I have come to love my daughters.  I'm not taking anything away from my sons, but this post is about my girls.
 At times it was hard while they were growing up as I watched them go through the growing pains of trials
 of friendship or just the drama of school.  But it was oh so worth it.  My daughters have become much more.  They've become my dear, dear friends.  We can be silly or have serious conversation.  Its all good.
 I remember taking Clare to BYU and leaving her there.  It caused me some tears and sadness.  It was the first time I left one of my own to make her way in this big, bad world and I wouldn't be there to hold her hand.  She didn't even have a cell phone so we chatted online more than we talked on the phone. 

I felt like when we took Sammi to school, I was a little more used to this process, so I dealt with it better.  Besides, she had a phone and we could stay connected much easier.  I missed her though as our house was so much quieter without her here.  I will admit, I put on a very brave face when she did the "tuck and roll" outside the MTC.  I boarded the plane home and started writing in my journal.  I was trying to distract myself from how much I would miss her when the Spirit came and told me she would be protected and all would be good.  It was still hard to have her far away on holidays, especially Christmas.
When Erin left the first time, we didn't take her to Rexburg.  We talked beforehand and decided it was easier to leave than be left.  With her anxiety, I didn't want her to feel abandoned.  Cell phones kept us in contact on a daily basis and I never worried about her.  She's been home each winter since; earning some money to go back.  Well, last summer over the break she stayed in Provo with Sam and Jeff.  We did make two trips out to Utah/Idaho for Stef's wedding as well as General Conference so I got to see she and Sammi.
Yesterday we dropped her off at the airport to go back to Idaho early.  It seems there's this man she loves and wants to be near him.  There was nothing emotional about our good-bye.  Just the usual hug and I love you.  
This morning I went upstairs to wake Andrew and realized that Erin's room was empty.  It left me feeling sad and empty as I don't know when I'll see her again.  Then I realized that each time one of my girls left our home, I had a piece of my heart go with them.  I know that they're grown ups and have to leave the nest.  I don't begrudge that one bit.  It just makes me a little sad.
I'm blessed to have Clare come back to this area to live.  I'm anticipating the same from Sammi eventually as well.  I don't know where life's road will take Erin, but I hope it leads back this way too.  There are a billion quotes out there about sisters or the love/relationships between sisters, but I don't see many about a mom and her daughters.  When I find something that adequately describes my relationship with these wonderful women, I'll let you know.  Until then, they're my best girlfriends.


Clare said...

My mommy loves me! And I love her, too. :) said...

This blog post is SO beautifully written-- I can identify with it in so many ways. You've shared your heartfelt feelings and your children will cherish these words for always.

Sammi said...

I'm trying to get my piece back ASAP. Although it might be a while. Erin might get hers back before me.