September 12, 2014

Sanford K. Hoffman

30 Jan 1938 - 12 Sept 2014

I am blessed to be the daughter of this remarkable man!

I will miss his tender touch and his sparkling eyes.

I will miss his generosity and kindness.

When we look at a birth date and death date there is always a hyphen that separates them.  The two dates represent a beginning and ending of life. That hyphen represents an entire life!

 

What a life it has been!  There are the typical struggles of youth and of beginning a life with a new spouse.  And then of course the children!  My parents taught us the value of work and provided opportunities to do it. 

 

He was left without his sweetheart far too young.  It was a struggle to go on without her.  He loved so deeply and wanted to re-create that love with another.  It was more of a struggle than he anticipated and it never did work out. 

 

Heartache for all of us at watching him struggle and make choices that weren't appropriate.  Still we loved him dearly.  We encouraged and prayed.

 

New friends came into his life and new hobbies.  Riding motorcycle was probably the biggest change.  He loved it and enjoyed it often.  Because of his new friends, we made new friends too.  He didn't keep his friends to himself.  He shared.

 

A beautiful day in September three years ago brought us together for a wonderful cause.  Then last November Kurt and I had another cause to celebrate his spiritual life with him. At Christmas I asked if we could go to the temple together this year and he agreed.  Unfortunately, his illness prevented us from getting there.

 

A feeling of "unwellness" prevailed beginning in March.  Many trips to see physicians.  Possible answers but no one was able to help.  The headaches began the end of June.  Three weeks of headaches and exhaustion lead us to more doctor visits.  Ultimately the MRI showed a mass in the brain. 

 

Glioblastoma.

 

What an ugly word!

 

An even uglier disease with consequences that cannot be avoided.  This cancer would take my vital, active, hard-working daddy and turn him into a man who would be unable to do anything for himself.  He could not feed himself or sit up alone.  He needed assistance with everything.  It was heart-wrenching to witness.

 

There is a symptom time-line that we are watching.  Yes, he does that.  Yes, I've seen that and that.  Time moves forward and more and more symptoms appear.

 

Sunday, September 7th, the breathing is beginning to change.  There is an apnea of sorts that affects brain injured people called Cheyne-Stokes.  Dad's brain was injured due to the tumor.

 

Wednesday the 10th, he no longer is able to eat nor should he for fear of aspiration.  The Cheyne-Stokes breathing is par for the course at this point.

 

Thursday the 11th.  We gather as a family to give him one final blessing.  Kurt is voice.  He is told it is okay for him to leave us.  We will take care of one another.  We have grown closer because of this experience.  You have been a good father, teacher and an inspiration to us.  You will be welcomed by those who love you on the other side.

 

Friday at 3:30am, a phone call to tell us Dad's breathing has changed.  It won't be long.  We gather once again at his bedside and hold his hands, stroke his hair, massage his feet, kiss his face.  He is unaware that we are there but we tell him of our love.

 

7:15 brings about a slowing of his breathing.  I go and sit with him and watch him.  I asked if others have noticed the breathing and they confirm what I asked.  A few more minutes pass and again there is a pause in his breathing.  All gather and we watch as he takes his last breaths.  7:27 brings the end of his mortal life.  He is free from the headaches and the body that no longer allows him to function.  A body that has withered to skin and bones.

 

A beautiful, peaceful passing from one life to the next.  Tears flow.  We will miss him as we let him go.  Temple covenants bring peace to our hearts.  Happy tears fall as we think of the reunion with our mother.  He meets a brother he's never met.  He gets to see his father for the first time in 50 years. 

 

All is well!  Yes, all is well!

 

And we will miss him.

More and More

I love Tuesdays because that's when I hear from Andrew. Each week he is sounding more and more like a missionary who is immersed in the work and not missing home anymore. That makes my heart happy.  His emails are never very long which is what I totally expected from him.  I can't believe he's been out for an entire transfer already.  Time stands still for no one.  Anyway, I just want to say that I love my missionary son!

Wonderful Weekend

On Thursday Erin flew in and Sammi and Jeff and Evelyn drove north to spend the weekend with us.  Because the two girls were both here, Clare and family spent some time with us as well.  It was wonderful to have a full house. 
We spent some time at Birch Hill with my dad.  I believe it was especially hard for Erin who hasn't seen her Papa in over a year and will not see him again. 
On Saturday we attended Allyssa Huck's wedding.  She and Erin were best friends in school and it was wonderful to spend the day celebrating with her and her family.  That was the reason Erin originally booked her flight home.  Getting to see her Papa was a bonus!
We attended church together which always takes me back.  Since I'm the only one of my siblings who still is part of the Gresham Ward I feel nostalgic when my kids are home.
This morning I drove Erin to the airport and then saw the Fillmores off.  My heart felt sad that they left.  Still, my heart is happy that we had the chance to be together even if for such a short time.

Service of Love

 I've been spending most afternoons sitting at the nursing facility with my dad.  He sleeps a lot.  But even when he isn't sleeping his eyes are almost always closed.  I don't know whether or not he likes the company but those of us who sit with him do.  On Thursday he was very restless and had very painful headaches.  Thus the restlessness.  On  Friday he slept all afternoon which I was glad to see after spending Thursday seeing him in pain.  On Saturday, he was a bit restless again.

At one point he opened his eyes and I simply said, "Hi Dad."  He gave me his warm, affectionate smile.  I couldn't hold the tears from my eyes.  I could tell by that smile that he loves me.  I knew that but it was one more confirmation.  It was very bittersweet.  I loved seeing him smile at me but know that those smiles will disappear soon and I won't be able to see them once he's gone.

He will hold hands with anyone who is willing.  As I held his hand he used his thumb to caress my hand.  Yet another small thing that I know he's still in there.  I am so glad I am able to take these days to be of service to my dad.  The words are few but I am able to rub his head and back when he needs it.  On Saturday he was having pain again and I asked what I could do for him and he simply responded, "Rub my head."  So easy to do. I don't know if every little girl feels this way but I can honestly say my dad was my first love.

My Daddy's Story

 On Wednesday, July 23, 2014 my father was diagnosed with glioblastoma which is a very aggressive type of brain cancer.  I cared for him and took him to many doctor appointments since April where he complained of his head feeling "foggy" and a general feeling of "unwell." 

During the week of August 3rd - 9th we had a wonderful time.  Even though he was a bit tired, we set up a lunch date with several of his friends.  We had a picnic at the ski hill for Brett's birthday, a ward picnic and a picnic at the mill with his employees and friends.  He thought about riding his motorcycle to the mill.  I talked him out of it.  It was an absolutely wonderful week!  On that Saturday I took him to Lakewood to spend the afternoon with long-time friends Jim and Cheryl.  We had a good time and he got to ride in his convertible.

 On Friday, the 8th we had an appointment called a chemo teach.  It was to inform us of how to handle the chemo pills and what precautions to take with not only the pills but any bodily fluids as well.  He was very fatigued during that appointment.  I noticed his balance was just a bit off as well.

 I am so grateful for the opportunity to have had him in my home.  He came to church with me on the 10th.  I had the distinct feel that he would not be in church with me ever again.  This would be his last time.  By Monday he was headed in a downward direction.

 Tuesday was the first radiation treatment.  He did well but was very fatigued and slow moving.  By evening he had fallen twice so we did what we could to make things easier for him.  Susie and I spent the night and we discussed what we could/should do.  By Wednesday morning we both doubted we could get him to treatment.  He couldn't stand under his own power and could barely sit up alone.  Heartbreaking is the only way to describe my feelings. We met with the Radiology oncologist following his treatment and determined hospitalization was the next step.

 A week in the hospital.  Lots of family took turns sitting with him.  He had a good evening on Thursday.  It was truly a tender mercy sent from our Heavenly Father.  By Friday he was very agitated and unable to have the radiation treatment.  We, as a family, had already decided that we didn't want anymore treatments.  By Monday morning the health care professionals agreed with us.  Tuesday, the 19th, all was finally in place for him to be moved to Birch Hill Health Care facility.

In the end, we are blessed to know of the plan of salvation.  We pray that this struggle will go quickly and he will go back to be with my mom once again.  He has lived a wonderful, active life.  He is the most generous and kind man I have ever known.  That isn't just my thought.  Many have benefitted from his kindness and generosity.  He loves us all deeply and unconditionally even though he doesn't always say it.

I thought about what to say to him.  This is what I would say.  I'm sure I couldn't do it without tears.  "If I could choose who I wanted to be my daddy, I would choose you.  You have taught me about service, love and kindness.  I am forever grateful that I am blessed to be your daughter."

Elder Pleshek

We received this gem via email today.  It is so wonderful to see my son with that missionary badge on his pocket.  We didn't get an email from him this week so this was the one thing I was looking forward to. 

City of Joseph Reunion

 A long weekend at Camp Nauvoo with many friends from our City of Joseph family.  We saw some people we haven't seen in 10 years.  It was fabulous!  Of course, we had our four beautiful grandchildren along so that was extra fun. Evie wasn't too sure about the stilt thing.

 Brock wanted to try all the games.

 Adam needed to try rolling the hoop.  He did pretty good.

 They all sat down and watched a puppet show and each brought home a sock puppet.

 There was a race between Pat and Rhonda in braiding.  I'm guessing Rhonda won.

 A handcart ride.  All the kids rode with their Papa while Clare and Sammi pulled and Tom pushed.

 I took a picture of each of the kids on the temple grounds.  Cami's turned out super cute once we got past the posing.

 Adam didn't give me many good shots but I love this one.

 Evie was a moving target so I was very pleased to get this one.

 I got a lot of this one.  He gave me the best smile.  I even got a few of him doing his "David" face.

 We haven't seen Ellen and Bennett in 10 years.  They look at young and beautiful as ever.

 Deanna did her best to get all of us but you can see we had some unwilling participants.

 Clare, DeAnna and baby Anne.

 The kids on Monday morning on the banks of the Mississippi.

We had to wait on the bridge for a barge so some got out to watch.