The Struggle is Real

When I was younger I thought that perhaps, just maybe, I would have to assist one of my parents in their old age.  In reality, my mom.  Of course, she passed from this life far too young and I never had that thought again.  I never thought I would have to care for my dad because he was always so full of life and vigor.  As it turned out, I cared for him for a few weeks prior to his hospitalization and eventual demise.  It wasn't difficult as he slept a lot and really didn't need any help except that he was no longer driving so he needed someone to take him where he wanted to go.  Usually just to the mill.

I never dreamed that it would be one of my siblings that would need care.  With the sham of a marriage that Bonny was in coming to an end, she moved here.  I didn't recognize how much help she needed and just how much she was incapable of doing until she was living in my home.  She literally did nothing.  I gave her a few odd jobs now and then but even with my assistance she couldn't really do them.  It was a huge relief when she moved into Brett and Sue's home.

We needed to get some health coverage in place prior to her divorce.  I was the one to do the paperwork.  I've never applied for Badgercare before.  It seemed that everything that could go wrong for her did.  We hired an attorney specializing in trusts to help us out.  After Dad's passing and Bonny receiving her divorce settlement, we had to put the money somewhere so she would qualify for aid.  The amount she had in cash and assets seems like a large number until you realize that it will need to last the rest of her life.  Now it isn't so much.

Fast forward.  She has HUD sponsored housing.  Its a nice apartment.  She has health benefits and meals on wheels as well as food benefits.  Here's the big problem.  She doesn't take care of her personal hygiene.  I shouldn't have to go to her place and tell her that she smells bad and take a shower.  I shouldn't have to figure out how she acquired a credit card and what she's been spending and how it will get paid.  She's living off of a trust which is funded by her spousal support.  That trust will NOT pay a credit card balance.  All these things have been put into place for her support and protection and yet she doesn't comprehend them.  It's a constant battle to remind her of them.

I spent my day cleaning her apartment, unsubscribing and deleting emails and getting rid of 1-800 phone numbers from her contact list.  I took her to return some merchandise and get a haircut.  I got the most foul smelling of her laundry in the washer.  There's more to do but it doesn't smell like the bedding did.  I shouldn't have to be the "bad guy" or her mother and yet between Sue and I, we have to in order to keep her safe and healthy.

I love my sister and I feel horrible that she has this disease which has robbed her of her physical abilities and makes her forget and unable to focus on anything for very long.  I feel that the abuse she suffered for all those years in that horrible marriage is the cause of some of her worst behaviors.  She needs counseling and won't even consider it.  Yet she will talk to anyone who will listen about the abuse she suffered.  I can sympathize but at times my patience is very thin.

Yesterday before going to her home I prayed that I would have help.  I specifically asked that I would have patience and that I could be the Savior's hands.  I accomplished all I set out to do in the manner in which I desired.  The Lord truly will strengthen anyone who asks. The struggle is real but when I turn the matter over to the Lord, He helps me more than I can imagine.